Saturday, 24 November 2012

Raising twins as individuals

I'm writing this post as part of the Multiples & Mayhem Carnival which is being hosted by the lovely Fiona at Coombe Mill this month.

It's probably going to be a bit of rambling, ending with a plea for advice- so please bear with me!

Cheeky and Tiny are my non-identical twin boys, born in January 2011.
They have an older sibling, Squeaks, born in March 2009.

Squeaks is a confident, outgoing, independent child, who completely dotes on her little brothers, and is the only person I know who can always tell them apart.

I have chosen to dress the boys in the same outfits since birth. This is basically because I am so fussy about boys clothes, I love the outfits I buy them, but they are few and far between.
As they get older they are more likely to be found wearing different clothes- there's more variety for mummy to chose from as they go from babies to toddlers.

I can only recall a couple of occasions where I've had prolonged one-to-one time with either boy solo. And it's always due to illness.

The boys will be old enough to start playschool in the new year. Squeaks attends three mornings a week of a possible four. And, the mad, lovely ladies there are more than happy to take all three of my little chaos makers.

A year later they will be able to start nursery school, and from there transfer to primary school. And at that time, we- Mr J and I- will have a choice to make, whether the boys should be in separate classes for their education.
At this point in time, Mr J and I have agreed our preference would be for them to be in different classes. For them to make their own friends, create the interests which appeal to their individual needs.

As the boys approach their second birthday it is becoming more apparent to me that the boys don't have enough one-to-one time with me and their dad, and that this is something that they should have as much as I need to be with them as individuals. And I am also aware that the boys are the same age as Squeaks was when we looked to get her spending time with children her own age. So, the question is whether we try to do the same with the boys in the New Year.

I am thinking that from January we can juggle things about so over a fortnightly period the boys can have individual time with their dad, their big sister, their grandma, and with children their own age. And yes, juggling would be an understatement.... but I think if there was a year age difference between the two this would just be a done thing, and the boys need to develop the same personal skills and have experiences which are personal, just to them.

So, I guess this is really where I'd be grateful of your experiences and views on bringing up siblings. Is it important to have individual experiences? Or is the experience of a family greater than the individual?
If you have individual time with your children how does it work?
And, as I suspect is always the case- am I just over thinking this?!!

Multiples Mayhem from Coombe Mill Family Farm Holidays Cornwall


  1. Don't unerestimate your family time, they learn from each other and Squeeks and you and Mr J in a family context and it gives them great social skills. Having said that we have 6 and I do like to give them a little one to one with Mum and Dad. We have done this by taking one at a time out with us for dinner since an early age. Nothing flash, the local pub or Pizza place but it is a chance for them to play center stage and show they can each behave so well when not provoked by another! It is a treat they all look forward to and a pleasure for us too. A lovely entry for the Carnival, thank you.

  2. Great post! I think I may have to do one on a similar theme of my own. Our 2, boy / girl twins, have probably spent only a few hours apart over their whole 2 years & 8 months, & they've missed each other during these brief times. Until recently when asked who their friends were they got quite indignant at the suggestion that anyone other than each other - including us - could be their friend. We've only recently been concluded on the list! Because of this I can't imagine them being separated, so our plan, at the moment, is to keep them together. I'm aware of the hot debate on the subject though so we haven't yet made a firm decision.

    Probably not that helpful, I guess - sorry!

  3. I wouldn't stress too much about it. My 3 have never had much individual time with any family members. We did try but it was just so hard to fit in with our busy life and I don't think it has impacted them at all. Eldest only had her first year with just me as the twins were born when she was 14 months. They are all well adjusted, social girls with shared experiences that still give them an individual perspective. If you can give them some one to one time that's great but I personally think it's more important that they get treated as individuals when they are together. xxx

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