Tuesday, 4 March 2014

How do you keep your glass half full? #Optimism

I am struggling this week.
Get me!
It's Tuesday, and I've already concluded I'm not having a good week.

This year I was beginning to think I did have the qualities of an optimist.
It was shortly after Mr J mocked me, and I asked him to tell me one occasion I hadn't wholeheartedly supported him.
I like to think I am supportive.
I like to think that I am willing to give everything my best shot.
And everyone I meet gets to meet my open mind.

I'm not stupid.
I know I have begun to 'hold grudges'.
I was once told by a manager I was too trusting.
I decided it wasn't something I wanted to do anything about, to me it wasn't a negative.
But it means I have become so much more offended when my trust is stretched or broken.

And this week, I feel a bit broken.
I feel a little bit tainted.
That I let someone into our lives and whilst they left a part of our lives, they have remained in my life, and broken something.
Something that says "I'm different to you, you may have been here, but you so haven't, so I can do this to you, and it's not about you, but yes, I know you'll get hurt, it's ok, I'm looking out for me."

And that's life.
Because that's what we open ourselves up to by living.
By trusting.
By thinking that because people see what you see.
That perception doesn't exist.
Because facts should.
But no.
"What will be, will be"
I stand by actions and behaviours.
But for now, that is all to be judged.

And, it follows a week of illness.
If you don't have the Callio system, you probably won't get this.
The Callio system allows schools to record absenteeism and give your child a rating.
Regardless of authorised or unauthorised, medical appointment, illness, or holiday.
Of course Seren knows nothing of it.
But chooses to become ill at every school break.
And then the boys follow suite.
And after being ill, need time and love to bring themselves to full health.
And so, woe is me, I am feeling a little exhausted.

And then, (and the good news is you can't say things always happen in threes, because there's going to be a fourth!), something was in the press today.
Something that you sit and think 'planted?'.
Of course not, that would make you a cynic.
But it puts the writing firmly on the wall, the writing that's been there for ages.
But now, now it means that immunity doesn't exist.
It means that I am anticipating my summer will be one where I would rather be on six weeks leave, enjoying the school break with my gorgeous children.

The fourth, when do you start celebrating?
Last September a project was approved, it's taken till last week for the contract to be issued.
And once the contract's signed, if it's signed, the hard work begins.
And, of course, the road to signature is far from simple.
I am more au fait with European regulations that I would ever wish.
I am taking amicable relationships and making them contractual.
I am constantly reminding myself why we are doing this.
And trying, with all my might, to stay on the path we started.
With so many delays, standstills, diversions and road works on the way.
(Yes, I like to think I work in construction!).

And so, I know it's Tuesday, but Mr J presented me with a glass of Prosecco.
The bottle I had bought last September to celebrate the project.
But have never felt it was the right time to open.
There was always the next hurdle.
Decision made.
It would have been rude to say 'no'!

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