Friday, 11 July 2014

Word of the Week #WoTW

Of course this isn't the place to announce it.
But I'm slightly raw.

I didn't get the job.

I put myself out there.

And whilst I know I was rejected.
Oddly, or maybe not, it's already now more than that.

I have discovered what I am good at.
It has been reinforced what I am not so good at.

And I am left wondering.

I knew.

Before I left the assessment centre on Friday, I completed the evaluation form.
I stated that I was nervous and I rushed.
Before getting my feedback I was asked what I thought I had done well, and not so well.
I reiterated my comfort zones, compared to this new experience.
And it was reinforced.
I was nervous. And rushed.

Did I give them a get out?
Some of the facts speak for themselves.

I did well in the interview.
I did really well in my testing for verbal reasoning, and better than I thought, and therefore well, in my numerical reasoning.
I fell down in the "assessment centre" exercises.

I do care.
I don't care.

I know where I now stand.
I am scared.
And yet.

The experience has given me confidence.
It seems I am, in work terms, intelligent, and that I can demonstrate the positive attributes I possess at work.
In the role I was shortlisted for, it is too much of a development gap.
In honesty, before the interview, I was surprised I was shortlisted for the job.
I spent a week swotting up.
Trying my husband's patience as I spent each night reading endless government reports.
My dad and I joked that knowing nothing made me perfect for the job.

I had applied for two roles.
Part of the feedback was I was potentially better suited to the other role.
I didn't like to make them aware I hadn't been shortlisted for it.

It all adds up to make me feel that I don't fit.

And now.
Now.
Is this the beginning of the end?

Not knowing what my future holds.
Appreciating that the opportunity to progress has been halted.
Accepting, and gaining confidence from, the feedback given.

Knowing through the experience, how little satisfaction I have in my job.
That bit by bit the projects I thought had great qualities have broken me.
That I have found my ethical and moral values are more prevalent than I knew.
And more compromised than I thought possible.
And how my core project, my sanctuary, which I loved and nurtured, has found a surrogate.

Promotion isn't always the opportunity.
Knowing my strengths may not mean promotion.
Being happy.
Being content.

I'm not sure how I can create my balance of family and work.
My (and Mr J's) gut instinct was promotion wasn't going to work, I would be too compromised with working away.
But we were agreed that I need to be happy at work and a promotion would be an improvement.
And so.
To today.
A new blank page.
A new journey.

And now, to begin a new beginning.
The Reading Residence

6 comments:

  1. So sorry you did not get that job. Rejection is tough. There is a reason for everything: maybe your ideal job is just around the corner. #WotW

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  2. I'm so sorry you didn't get the job, but it does sound like the reflection has been good in some ways. I hope that bigger and better things are waiting for you x

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  3. Sorry you didnt get the job, but applaud you for having the courage to go for it. Its hard to put yourself out there #WotW

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  4. Sorry you didn't get the job you wanted but am sure that big, better, and the right things will present themselves. The work life balance is key and you will know when it is right. Emma

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  5. Sorry that you didn't get the job,. though it sounds like it's prompted plenty of reflection anyway, and perhaps wasn't the best thing. It's hard, though, when you want to see a clear path ahead, a happy path, can are struggling to find it. I hope that it becomes clear soon x Thanks for sharing with #WotW

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