Sunday, 26 October 2014

The Apology Edition

I am a recluse.
I have become a recluse.
I'm sorry.

This year's just been more difficult in work than I could have imagined.
It means when I come home I just want to embrace my family.
I want to wallow in their laughter, their love, and their friendship.
When I'm feeling strong enough, I love the company of my besties.
And when things are going well I like to go out and meet, and enjoy the company of lots of people.

But sometimes reality brings down its weight, when I least expect it.
And my efforts go back into the battles I would rather not face.
When I would rather hide under the duvet and attempt to catch up on sleep which has been lost forever.

I have periods of optimism, when I think I'm out the other side.
But it's almost a mirage.
As people really do behave in the least expected ways.
And the battles are transformed.
Beyond reason.
Beyond rationale.

One day soon.
One day soon I will look back on this.
I will be in disbelief of how much energy I directed at it.
I will regret not investing enough in myself.
And missing so many moments with friends and family.

But for now.
Please bear with me.
I am rubbish.
I will hide under my covers as much as I can.
I will tiptoe out.
But it may not be enough.
But for the foreseeable, it really is all I have.

1 comment:

  1. Massive hugs to you! Sometimes we just need a time out from reality x

    ReplyDelete

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